Last weekend I danced to raise awareness about domestic abuse, and at least in my mind, I danced for Johnny Depp. I danced for everyone who has suffered abuse from someone they loved, everyone who has suffered abuse from someone with a personality disorder. I danced for those have not or can not speak up. And I danced with the joy of being free from abuse.
I’m part of an organization called Shimmy Mob, the world’s largest belly dance flash mob. Thousands of dancers gather in hundreds of cities around the world to raise awareness about domestic abuse, because this is a global issue and it can happen to anyone!
I danced in the live performance by the global Shimmy Mob group. I'm also a member of the online dance troupe the Shimmy Sirens of Zoom :) and our video will be featured in an online halfa today being hosted by Night in the Global Village. I also recorded a solo version, because my friends and fans told me they want to see me and I was too small on the screen in the dance troupe versions. So here you go, friends and fans :D
I’m part of an organization called Shimmy Mob, the world’s largest belly dance flash mob. Thousands of dancers gather in hundreds of cities around the world to raise awareness about domestic abuse, because this is a global issue and it can happen to anyone!
I danced in the live performance by the global Shimmy Mob group. I'm also a member of the online dance troupe the Shimmy Sirens of Zoom :) and our video will be featured in an online halfa today being hosted by Night in the Global Village. I also recorded a solo version, because my friends and fans told me they want to see me and I was too small on the screen in the dance troupe versions. So here you go, friends and fans :D
I think the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard trial has brought the topic of abuse into the news and into conversation with others. I think that there are few silver linings to the train wreck on fire that is this trial.
The first is that Johnny Depp has become a very public face for men who have experienced abuse at the hands of the woman they loved. I think it’s important to recognize that yes, men can be abused too. And it doesn’t just happen to short, slim, small, young men. I vividly recall the first time a male friend of mine confided in me about the abuse that he had suffered at the hands of his ex-wife. He was not someone I would have expected to have been abused. He was taller and bigger than me and he was trained to fight, he was ex-military. But his wife was cruel and they met in the military and she savagely beat him. What he described sounded horrible. I was surprised and I felt touched that he trusted me enough to share his experience with me, that he felt safe enough with me as a friend to trust me, to tell me what happened to him. I feel that Johnny Depp stepping up to speak publicly about his experience is incredibly brave and I think it’s important to have a public figure admit that yes, this happened to him. Men are sometimes abused by women, it does happen, and it's just as sad and awful as women being abused by men.
In a recent analysis by Statistics Canada 44% of women and 36% of men had experienced intimate partner violence. You'll notice those numbers are very similar between women and men and alarmingly high. The actual numbers are probably even higher, since there is a lot of under-reporting (particularly by men) and North America has a low rate compared to the rest of the world. Estimates for global numbers look more like over 50% of people experience domestic violence at some point in their life. And there have been studies showing there has been a recent increase in young males being abused by the women they are involved with, which is worrying trend. And it's been all over the news headlines how much domestic violence has increased during the pandemic. This is a BIG global issue affecting a lot of people!
I think another silver lining from this trial is that it is shining a direct and harsh light on mental illness. It’s giving the public a very clear example of what some specific personality disorders look like. In Amber Heard's testimony and the audio tapes made by the couple when they were together, you can hear it. You can hear how she’s unwilling to admit any responsibility, how she’s inconsistent in what she says, and how she constantly twists what people say and the truth. I've felt this way about a few other female celebrities who have been in the spotlight recently too, like Jada Pinkett-Smith and even Meghan Markle. All of these women seem to have poorly controlled mental health issues that are on display for the world to see, because they are in the public eye. They appear to have personality disorders that are interfering with their lives and the lives of the people close to them.
I think people don't realize how easily you can find yourself in a situation like this. How it can happen if you're just a compassionate, empathic, and kind person. Where you don't notice the red flags until you're already in the relationship, in love...and then you realize the other person is deeply troubled. And you find yourself wanting to help, because you love them. I think that's often the situation that many people who experience abuse find themselves in and it usually starts with emotional and verbal abuse, so you may not even recognize it as abuse at the beginning. You're involved with the person, you may be living with them, you may have children with them. And you love them, you want to help them, you want things to work out, but the other person has issues, serious issues. Often mental health issues, particularly personality disorders that are poorly managed or completely uncontrolled. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, mental health issues do not give you a free pass to abuse someone. Abuse is NEVER justified!
I think it's important to educate yourself about personality disorders, to better understand the signs. Unlike people with anxiety or depression who know they have a problem, often people with personality disorders don't know they have a problem. They don't think anything is wrong with them. Their thinking is quite literally disordered. And personality disorders can be severely affect someone's behaviour, to the point where it interferes with their lives, their jobs, and their relationships. And some of those behaviours can be very harmful to others, especially those closest to them.
They will do things like compulsively lie. It's not something they necessarily control or are even aware of, their disorder compulses the behaviour. You can see this repeatedly in testimony given by Amber Heard. She is completely inconsistent. In one moment she'll describe the "one time" she ever hit Johnny Depp, but yet during the same deposition she talks about several other incidents where she hit him. There's even a tape of a conversation between the two of them after a fight, where Amber is angrily complaining because Johnny is upset that she punched him. You can listen to their conversations* and it's everything I needed to hear to understand that Amber Heard is an abuser. In the tapes made at the time they were involved, she clearly admits to physically abusing him on multiple occasions and she verbally abuses him on the tapes. She mocks him and makes of fun of him. She calls him a baby for running away from fights. She tells him that she can't promise she won't get physical again...that sometimes she just loses it. She even laughs and dares him to tell the world what really happened, saying that no one will believe him, that noone will believe he's a victim of domestic violence!
Can you imagine if the sexes were reversed? If this was a famous man on tape saying all of that to his wife? I have trouble understanding why so many people believed Amber for so long. I guess #MeToo was in full swing and everyone was all "believe all women". I'd like to, I'd like to believe all women and all men. I'd like to believe everyone. When I first heard about this I assumed that they were in an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship, I believed that perhaps the abuse was mutual. And often in cases of intimate partner violence there is bidirectional violence. But after hearing those audio tapes of the discussions between Amber and Johnny that were made at the time these incidents occurred, watching the video of her deposition and how she smiles when she talks about hitting him, and watching her on the stand now in the current trial, I think it's very clear that Amber is an abuser and that Amber has mental health issues. I believe Dr. Curry was correct in talking about Amber having two personality disorders, Borderline and Histrionic. It's been theorized she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well, which is possible - many of the traits do overlap.
The first is that Johnny Depp has become a very public face for men who have experienced abuse at the hands of the woman they loved. I think it’s important to recognize that yes, men can be abused too. And it doesn’t just happen to short, slim, small, young men. I vividly recall the first time a male friend of mine confided in me about the abuse that he had suffered at the hands of his ex-wife. He was not someone I would have expected to have been abused. He was taller and bigger than me and he was trained to fight, he was ex-military. But his wife was cruel and they met in the military and she savagely beat him. What he described sounded horrible. I was surprised and I felt touched that he trusted me enough to share his experience with me, that he felt safe enough with me as a friend to trust me, to tell me what happened to him. I feel that Johnny Depp stepping up to speak publicly about his experience is incredibly brave and I think it’s important to have a public figure admit that yes, this happened to him. Men are sometimes abused by women, it does happen, and it's just as sad and awful as women being abused by men.
In a recent analysis by Statistics Canada 44% of women and 36% of men had experienced intimate partner violence. You'll notice those numbers are very similar between women and men and alarmingly high. The actual numbers are probably even higher, since there is a lot of under-reporting (particularly by men) and North America has a low rate compared to the rest of the world. Estimates for global numbers look more like over 50% of people experience domestic violence at some point in their life. And there have been studies showing there has been a recent increase in young males being abused by the women they are involved with, which is worrying trend. And it's been all over the news headlines how much domestic violence has increased during the pandemic. This is a BIG global issue affecting a lot of people!
I think another silver lining from this trial is that it is shining a direct and harsh light on mental illness. It’s giving the public a very clear example of what some specific personality disorders look like. In Amber Heard's testimony and the audio tapes made by the couple when they were together, you can hear it. You can hear how she’s unwilling to admit any responsibility, how she’s inconsistent in what she says, and how she constantly twists what people say and the truth. I've felt this way about a few other female celebrities who have been in the spotlight recently too, like Jada Pinkett-Smith and even Meghan Markle. All of these women seem to have poorly controlled mental health issues that are on display for the world to see, because they are in the public eye. They appear to have personality disorders that are interfering with their lives and the lives of the people close to them.
I think people don't realize how easily you can find yourself in a situation like this. How it can happen if you're just a compassionate, empathic, and kind person. Where you don't notice the red flags until you're already in the relationship, in love...and then you realize the other person is deeply troubled. And you find yourself wanting to help, because you love them. I think that's often the situation that many people who experience abuse find themselves in and it usually starts with emotional and verbal abuse, so you may not even recognize it as abuse at the beginning. You're involved with the person, you may be living with them, you may have children with them. And you love them, you want to help them, you want things to work out, but the other person has issues, serious issues. Often mental health issues, particularly personality disorders that are poorly managed or completely uncontrolled. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, mental health issues do not give you a free pass to abuse someone. Abuse is NEVER justified!
I think it's important to educate yourself about personality disorders, to better understand the signs. Unlike people with anxiety or depression who know they have a problem, often people with personality disorders don't know they have a problem. They don't think anything is wrong with them. Their thinking is quite literally disordered. And personality disorders can be severely affect someone's behaviour, to the point where it interferes with their lives, their jobs, and their relationships. And some of those behaviours can be very harmful to others, especially those closest to them.
They will do things like compulsively lie. It's not something they necessarily control or are even aware of, their disorder compulses the behaviour. You can see this repeatedly in testimony given by Amber Heard. She is completely inconsistent. In one moment she'll describe the "one time" she ever hit Johnny Depp, but yet during the same deposition she talks about several other incidents where she hit him. There's even a tape of a conversation between the two of them after a fight, where Amber is angrily complaining because Johnny is upset that she punched him. You can listen to their conversations* and it's everything I needed to hear to understand that Amber Heard is an abuser. In the tapes made at the time they were involved, she clearly admits to physically abusing him on multiple occasions and she verbally abuses him on the tapes. She mocks him and makes of fun of him. She calls him a baby for running away from fights. She tells him that she can't promise she won't get physical again...that sometimes she just loses it. She even laughs and dares him to tell the world what really happened, saying that no one will believe him, that noone will believe he's a victim of domestic violence!
Can you imagine if the sexes were reversed? If this was a famous man on tape saying all of that to his wife? I have trouble understanding why so many people believed Amber for so long. I guess #MeToo was in full swing and everyone was all "believe all women". I'd like to, I'd like to believe all women and all men. I'd like to believe everyone. When I first heard about this I assumed that they were in an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship, I believed that perhaps the abuse was mutual. And often in cases of intimate partner violence there is bidirectional violence. But after hearing those audio tapes of the discussions between Amber and Johnny that were made at the time these incidents occurred, watching the video of her deposition and how she smiles when she talks about hitting him, and watching her on the stand now in the current trial, I think it's very clear that Amber is an abuser and that Amber has mental health issues. I believe Dr. Curry was correct in talking about Amber having two personality disorders, Borderline and Histrionic. It's been theorized she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well, which is possible - many of the traits do overlap.
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I think that Johnny didn't realize what kinds of issues Amber had until he was already involved with her, already in love with her. And from what he's said, he grew up in a family where his mom was abusive, so he had already seen and experienced abuse as a child. I don't know the details, but it's possible his mother had a personality disorder too. In many ways, I feel Johnny's story is my story. I grew in a family where I was abused. And later I found myself in an abusive relationship as an adult. It was only afterwards that I realized how much those experiences were connected to each other and related to mental health issues and personality disorders. I didn't realize until later how much my experiences as a child made me vulnerable to getting involved in an abusive relationship as an adult. I was used to "walking on eggshells". I was used to someone who insisted on their version of reality and you just had to agree with it. There was no argument, reality was whatever they said it was. I was used to violence and threats of violence. When I encountered some of those same things in a relationship as an adult I realized I was unhappy and it wasn't healthy, but I didn't understand why things weren't getting better. I didn't understand why nothing really seemed to make the other person happy or improve things. I recall going to a couple's counsellor and essentially having the counsellor tell me that I wasn't the problem, that the other person needed help. But things never got better and I had to walk away. I'm just grateful and thankful that I was able to walk away. I know sadly many people stay in abusive relationships, or worse are killed by their abusive partners.
I think it's important to mention that not all people with personality disorders are violent. There have been some studies connecting personality disorders and violence. But there have also been studies showing upwards of 18% of CEOs are narcissists. Similarly, celebrities and influencers tend to be narcissists as well. For example, Meghan Markle is a relatively nice narcissist, she loves attention for doing charity work and being a "do-gooder". It's not that these people are good or evil, it's just that they have mental health issues. Though it is wise to be wary of narcissists. By definition, they are self-interested and lacking empathy, so they are capable of seriously harming others and they may be unaware of what they are doing. This is also part of what makes them "great" CEOs, they make decisions that are great for them and the companies financially, but sometimes give little thought ethics, employees, the larger and long-term consequences of their actions, etc. They don't give thought to anything outside of themselves, everything is related to them. It can make them highly successful, but it can also make them highly dangerous to other people and the world in general.
I strongly encourage you to educate yourself about abuse and personality disorders. It's vital that we all learn more about this important topic. It affects ALL of our lives. It's estimated about 10% of the population have personality disorders, though it may be higher, and there have been some studies showing an increase in narcissism recently. And if 50% of people experience domestic violence, then it has touched you or someone you know. Now is the time to learn more and understand it can happen to anyone :(
I think it's important to mention that not all people with personality disorders are violent. There have been some studies connecting personality disorders and violence. But there have also been studies showing upwards of 18% of CEOs are narcissists. Similarly, celebrities and influencers tend to be narcissists as well. For example, Meghan Markle is a relatively nice narcissist, she loves attention for doing charity work and being a "do-gooder". It's not that these people are good or evil, it's just that they have mental health issues. Though it is wise to be wary of narcissists. By definition, they are self-interested and lacking empathy, so they are capable of seriously harming others and they may be unaware of what they are doing. This is also part of what makes them "great" CEOs, they make decisions that are great for them and the companies financially, but sometimes give little thought ethics, employees, the larger and long-term consequences of their actions, etc. They don't give thought to anything outside of themselves, everything is related to them. It can make them highly successful, but it can also make them highly dangerous to other people and the world in general.
I strongly encourage you to educate yourself about abuse and personality disorders. It's vital that we all learn more about this important topic. It affects ALL of our lives. It's estimated about 10% of the population have personality disorders, though it may be higher, and there have been some studies showing an increase in narcissism recently. And if 50% of people experience domestic violence, then it has touched you or someone you know. Now is the time to learn more and understand it can happen to anyone :(
Resources
Are You Dating an Abuser? Nine very early signs of emotional and verbal abuse
If you need help in BC, contact Victim Link BC 24/7 (many languages)
Call 1-800-563-0808
Text 604-836-6381
Email VictimLinkBC@bc211.ca
TTY accessible at 604-875-0885 or collect at 7-1-1
Personality Disorders
I highly recommend Out of the Fog. It's a great resource for information about personality disorders, so you can learn more. They also have a wonderful support forum, so if you have a family member or a partner who has a personality disorder and you need support - this is the place. This is the resource I turned to when I was trying to make sense of an abusive relationship I was in. I learned SO much and I understand so much better now what happened and why.
Donations
If you find Out of the Fog helpful, donate to them! They are a volunteer run organization, so they run on donations and love :)
Also, the Shimmy Mob website has a list of local shelters and support organizations, so you can find a charity in your area to donate to and help your local community
Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Trial
For more insights, I'd suggest the following videos...
*Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Audio Tapes
This is what I consider primary source material. These audio tapes were recorded by Amber Heard and Johnny Depp years ago when they were involved, before the public accusations and their divorce. So if there is anywhere to look for the real truth, I believe it is in these recordings. There are more, but I think these three are prime examples of the kinds of interactions they were having and these specific recordings were made just after some of the major events being discussed in the trial.
Amber Heard's Deposition from 2016
This deposition is interesting because it doesn't match the audio tapes, she contradicts herself a number of times during the deposition, and her stories are different than what's she currently saying on the stand.
Current Trial Footage
The Law & Crime Network has complete videos of the current trial and live coverage. Here are the videos with Amber Heard's testimony:
Analysis of Evidence
Incredibly Average has the most detailed and logical analysis of the evidence that I've seen so far. Here are several of the key videos I'd suggest reviewing:
Are You Dating an Abuser? Nine very early signs of emotional and verbal abuse
If you need help in BC, contact Victim Link BC 24/7 (many languages)
Call 1-800-563-0808
Text 604-836-6381
Email VictimLinkBC@bc211.ca
TTY accessible at 604-875-0885 or collect at 7-1-1
Personality Disorders
I highly recommend Out of the Fog. It's a great resource for information about personality disorders, so you can learn more. They also have a wonderful support forum, so if you have a family member or a partner who has a personality disorder and you need support - this is the place. This is the resource I turned to when I was trying to make sense of an abusive relationship I was in. I learned SO much and I understand so much better now what happened and why.
Donations
If you find Out of the Fog helpful, donate to them! They are a volunteer run organization, so they run on donations and love :)
Also, the Shimmy Mob website has a list of local shelters and support organizations, so you can find a charity in your area to donate to and help your local community
Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Trial
For more insights, I'd suggest the following videos...
*Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Audio Tapes
This is what I consider primary source material. These audio tapes were recorded by Amber Heard and Johnny Depp years ago when they were involved, before the public accusations and their divorce. So if there is anywhere to look for the real truth, I believe it is in these recordings. There are more, but I think these three are prime examples of the kinds of interactions they were having and these specific recordings were made just after some of the major events being discussed in the trial.
- Amber Heard & Johnny Depp: The Real ABUSER FINALLY REVEALED!! (UNCENSORED AUDIO!)
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard: Abuser Amber tells Johnny nobody will believe him! NEW UNCENSORED AUDIO!
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Australia's Bloody Aftermath! NEW UNCENSORED AUDIO!!
Amber Heard's Deposition from 2016
This deposition is interesting because it doesn't match the audio tapes, she contradicts herself a number of times during the deposition, and her stories are different than what's she currently saying on the stand.
- AMBER HEARD ADMITS TO KICKING A DOOR INTO JOHNNY DEPPS HEAD - NEVER BEFORE SEEN DEPOSITION FOOTAGE (Raw Footage)
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Amber Admits to Multiple Violent Attacks! (Analysis with transcript)
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Amber Caught Lying Under Oath! (Analysis with video footage)
Current Trial Footage
The Law & Crime Network has complete videos of the current trial and live coverage. Here are the videos with Amber Heard's testimony:
- Amber Heard Testifies in Defamation Trial - Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Day 14
- Amber Heard Testifies in Defamation Trial - Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Day 15
- Amber Heard Testifies in Defamation Trial - Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Day 16
- Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Defamation Trial Day 17
Analysis of Evidence
Incredibly Average has the most detailed and logical analysis of the evidence that I've seen so far. Here are several of the key videos I'd suggest reviewing:
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims (and the lies not talked about)
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Questions you should be asking (Part 1)
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Questions you should be asking (Part 2)
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: A Little More TRUTH!
- Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Anatomy of a Lie!
#AbusehasNoGender #MenToo #DancingforJohnnyDepp #AmberHeardisanAbuser #DeppVsHeard #JohnnyDepp #AmberHeard #MeghanMarkle #JadaPinkettSmith #DomesticViolenceAwareness #DomesticViolenceEducation #MentalHealthAwareness #ShimmyMob #BellyDance #ShimmyMob2022 #BetheChange #MakeaDifference
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