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Feminist Fridays: WAP, Cuties, Cats and Capitalism

9/25/2020

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Is this the new face of feminism?

Note: Since we're discussing the song WAP there will be some graphic language in this post, so #nsfw
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Background
A number of people have mentioned Cardi B.'s background in talking about WAP and I do think it’s relevant, since she’s being put forward as a feminist icon. So let's start with a little history in case you don't know. (I don't know about Megan's background, so I won't comment on that.)


Cardi has talked about the fact that she started stripping when she was 19. She’s also talked about what she did when men offered her money for sex, she drugged them and robbed them. So she did what's shown in Hustlers in real life and was never caught or prosecuted. She's also talked about getting back at men who cheat on her by getting them drunk/drugged and having a “tranny” have sex with them.

I think this is part of the problem, a lot of people have, with holding up Cardi B. as a feminist role model. I think we can all agree that drugging, raping, and robbing people is wrong. From her own description, it's clear she was not a good, ethical sex worker. And I think Cardi has some pretty messed up ideas about consent and transsexuals, if she thinks it’s ok to get “even” with a cis-het* guy she’s dating by getting him drunk/drugged and setting him up to have sex with someone who’s a “tranny”.

Beyond Cardi's past though, there's the lyrics to WAP. A number of women have proclaimed WAP as being feminist and a great anthem for female empowerment. AOC (Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez) even went so far as to tweet about WAP standing for "Women Against Patriarchy" and Gwyneth Paltrow talked about WAP being "part of the crumbling patriarchy" and glowingly said that "Cardi B is changing it by her incredible lyrical prowess".

Are you blindly ignoring the lyrics? Did you just hear the word “pussy” and decide that it must be feminist and progressive? The lyrics reinforce the idea that the only thing women have of value, the only currency women have to trade is their bodies and sex. The lyrics talk about trading sex for money and cars, using sex to get ahead in your career, and how sex is all that's important get a guy to marry you. Are these empowering, feminist messages? Are these women against patriarchy?

"There's some whores in the house"
Let's look at the lyrics, starting with the backing track, "There's some whores in the house". This line is repeated over and over again like a mantra throughout the song. This is the main message!

(The fact that you never see a guy in the video makes it ambiguous who’s saying this or why. I know it’s a sample, but in the context of the lyrics, is he their pimp? Is he a customer? Is he a neighbour complaining?)

You can interpret "There's some whores in the house" in two ways:
  1. There are some actual sex workers in this house.
  2. There are some women who enjoy sex in this house.
The rest of the lyrics make it clear the answer is both.

The Good
Is it catchy? Yeah, it's catchy as fuck, like an STI (more on that comparison later). WAP is an awful earworm that will get stuck in your head. You have been warned!

The lyrics graphically talk about sex, and comically and ridiculously talk about female arousal, like the line about needing "a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy".

I think the *best* I can say about WAP is that the lyrics talk about women liking sex. Typical cis-het sex with lots of sex work and a little kink. But being raunchy is not revolutionary. There are LOTS of song written and sung by women talking about being aroused and enjoying sex. And I’m not convinced that merely talking about enjoying sex equals female empowerment, particularly considering the lyrics and messages conveyed in WAP overall.

It’s possible that WAP is trying to reclaim the words "whore" and "freak". Both of the women sing about enjoying sex and doing sex work, so perhaps they are trying to reclaim the word “whore”. And there is the line “I said certified freak, seven days a week”, so perhaps the song is trying to reclaim that word as well.

I think that is the most glowing, positive light I can shine on WAP. Beyond that, well, I don't think the messages are particularly feminist and I have difficult seeing this as a great song for young women. Here are some of the lessons you can learn from WAP.


Sex work can pay for your tuition, get you a new car and more!
The song includes a number of lyrics talking about sex work, like "Pay my tuition just to kiss me on this wet-ass pussy...Now make it rain if you wanna see some wet-ass pussy". So the song glorifies sex work as a way to pay for college. There's also a line saying you should, "Ask for a car while you ride that dick". So there are a number of lyrics that talk about exchanging sex for money and goods. Is it feminist to encourage women to do sex work? To demand money before showing your WAP to a guy?

You don't need to use condoms, the guy can just pull out.
There are several lines that talk about the guy pulling out, such as "Wet-ass pussy, make that pullout game weak" and "Quick, jump out 'fore you let it get inside of me". No need for condoms apparently, even though they're talking about doing sex work and having sex with guys who don’t know your name. Apparently they’re not worried about sexually transmitted diseases. Yeah, you thought I was joking about the STI bit.

If you suck the right cock, you can get a record deal.
There's also this lyric, "I spit on his mic and now he tryna sign me". This line is clearly saying she did oral on a guy and now she's getting offered record deal. After #metoo and #timesup is this what we want to encourage? Women willingly sucking dick to get ahead in their career?

How to be a gold digger
And then there's this line, "I don't cook, I don't clean, but let me tell you how I got this ring". Saying quite literally that you can be a talentless whore and still get married. No need for common interests, love, or anything like. No, all you need to do is find a rich guy and have sex with him.

Oh, you don't think that's what this song says? Here's another line "He got some money, then that's where I'm headed, Pussy A1 just like his credit". Either she's looking for a rich guy to get money and goods for sex, or she's looking for a rich guy to marry her. Which is it? Which is a better message for women?

I've read some people think the lyrics are feminist because women used to be expected to cook and clean if they got married, but this song is saying women don't have to cook or clean. Um, really? So it's better to focus on how all women need to do is be good in bed?

Really, this whole song talks about women enjoying sex with men and using sex to get money and goods, get ahead in your career, and get married. Is this moving feminism forward? Is this going to crumble patriarchy? Or are these messages heteronormative?

Why do some feminists think WAP is great?
I've asked women who proclaim WAP to be feminist and empowering to explain what's feminist and empowering about the song. They seem to struggle to explain it and eventually descend to telling me to shut up if I don't like it and insults. Hmm, so much for an open-minded discussion on this topic.

@feminist shared Raquel Willis's post speaking positively about WAP and asking people to “Imagine if women and other folks could love their selves on their own terms without being concerned with the white cis-hetero patriarchal gaze.”

I think that’s a nice idea, but WAP is clearly designed for the cis-het male gaze. Every sexy outfit, pose, and dance move. The lyrics too. Even their bodies! I know Cardi has openly talked about getting plastic surgery to look more attractive to men. All of WAP is designed to appeal guys, maybe not so much white guys, but definitely for cis-het guys!

WAP and young women
A number of people commented online about WAP being great for young women. When I asked of one the commenters why they thought WAP was great for young women and they said WAP makes young women feel good about their bodies.

I'm all for women feeling good about their bodies! But I don't think that's something WAP does. And in terms of its effect on young women, have you seen Generation Wealth? Have you seen Cuties?

Here's a still from the WAP video and a still from the dance performance in Cuties.

A still from the WAP music & a still from the movie Cuties, both showing the same hump the floor dance move.
Notice some similarity there? Yup, it's the same hump the floor dance move meant to look like you’re having sex.

Cuties and #cancelnetflix
Here's a clip of the infamous dance performance in Cuties.

The girls shown in this clip are supposed to be 11 years old competing in a dance competition. I think Cuties accurately points out that the hyper-sexualisation that women are exposed to from a young age puts pressure on them to dress sexy, to do sexy dance moves, to expose themselves, etc.

Should you cancel Netflix? Yes, but not necessarily for Cuties. There are other reasons to cancel Netflix.

I think the director of Cuties is trying to show a young woman's journey and ultimately, she shows a middle ground for the young lead character, not conforming to her family or to dance crew she joined. But there is a LOT of young women dressing sexy and doing sexy dance moves in Cuties, so yeah, pedos would probably enjoy watching it.

At the same time, I think it's probably an accurate depiction of a young woman journey. Women are looking at videos like WAP and emulating the dance moves, and looking at women like Cardi B. and Kim Kardashian as roles models.

However, I do think Netflix choice to use a more sexualized poster for the English version of Cuties rather than the original image used for French release is questionable.

French poster for Mignonnes (Cuties) showing girls enjoying a shopping spree with confetti in the air.
Netflix English language poster for Cuties showing girls in revealing dance outfits posing to look sexy.
Similarly the original English description was, “Amy, 11, becomes fascinated with a twerking dance crew. Hoping to join them, she starts to explore her femininity, defying her family’s traditions.” Netflix later changed the description to "11- year-old Amy starts to rebel against her conservative family’s traditions when she becomes fascinated with a free-spirited dance crew.”

I guess Netflix realized using sexy poster of children and advertising 11 year old girls twerking might not be the best idea.

Big Cats & Tiger King
There's one other detail to WAP that bothers me, the wild animals. I thought everyone watched Tiger King! There should not be big cats in this video. Wild animals should not be exploited. Here's a longer article discussing this problem and how this isn't the first time Cardi has used big cats in her videos. She's a repeat offender.

When she was called out about it by Carole Baskin, Cardi said, “Like, that’s just ridiculous you know? Like, girl, you killed your goddamn husband.” I think her husband’s disappearance is suspicious too, but that’s not the point. The point is Cardi B. is contributing to the exploitation of big cats and using them to to portray extreme wealth in her videos, and apparently sees nothing wrong with that. I guess she doesn't care about big cats.

Sex, sluts and sex workers
To be clear, I love sex, I've enjoyed some porn, and I've even written some erotica. ;) I think being aroused and wanting sex are perfectly natural and normal for anyone, any person, or animal for that matter. And if you want to be a slut, go for it, but I think it’s best to be an Ethical Slut. :)

Much like the lyrics of WAP describe, I want to have sex every day, given a chance 4 or 5 times in a night. LOL But for me personally, I like other aspects to go with that, like common interests, connection, love, a relationship...

And if a billionaire or millionaire would like to date me, send me a message. I would be happy to marry someone wealthy, there are just other qualities I’d be looking for too, like compassion.

And I'm not against sex work. I've had a number of friends and acquaintances who have done sex work. I think it's a skilled profession and it's been around a very long time. But, and this is a big BUT, a lot of women do sex work for the money. They don't do it because they enjoy it, they do it because it pays well, because they're desperate for money. Sex workers usually get paid at least $250 an hour. What other jobs can you get that pay that well? Even Cardi talks about being a stripper to "survive" and clearly she focuses more on music now that she has a choice.

Have you seen how many women suddenly started OnlyFans accounts during the pandemic? It's a sign of the times. Women needed a way to make money, preferably from home, so it makes sense they would turn to becoming web cam girls and offering sexy pics on OnlyFans. I think sex work is something women turn to the same way men turn to gangs and dealing drugs. It's often because they see it as the best option available for them to make money. If there were other options available, many wouldn't do it. And men do sex work too, it's just not as common.

The other day someone mentioned to me that Seeking Arrangements is doing a “Back to School” sale, because you know, it’s time for students to go back to school and they need money. Seeking Arrangements boasts that Sugar Baby University now has more than 4.5 million students, 2.5 million in the US and over 330K in Canada. In its annual report for 2020 it said the number of students in Canada has risen "44 per cent in one year" and that was before than pandemic. A number of articles have been published talking about the growing trend and how it’s increased even more now with the pandemic. In one of the articles a student says, "I knew that the only way for me to make money was to either sell drugs or get a sugar daddy." So I think the comparison to dealing drugs is right on target. Sex work is choice, but what other options do women feel like they have?

Doing sex work, being a sugar baby, even being a gold digger, these are things women do to try to survive and thrive in a “man’s world”. Sex sells! And men have money. As woman, you have accepted that and have chosen to sell yourself as a sex object. In all of these cases we’re talking about a relationship with a man that is centered around the women’s sex appeal and her performing sex acts, and the man rewarding her with money and goods. As a woman, you are being valued for your beauty and how good you are in bed. As a man, you’re being valued for how much money you have.

I do understand in *some* cases there is an actual relationship where the people love each other, but in *most* sex work situations that is not the case and some of those articles included horror stories about being a sugar baby that are comparable to the some of bad experiences sex workers have. The sugar babies interviewed confirmed there is definitely an expectation of sex for money at the start, so I think this is a spectrum of exchanges of sex for money, money for sex. This is capitalism at its core, sell your body for money.

I think the questions I have about WAP are: Are the messages in WAP actually feminist? Or is it enabling patriarchy and promoting capitalism by encouraging women to sell their bodies to chase after wealth at any cost? If you haven’t done so already, I strongly encourage you to watch Generation Wealth and consider these questions.


*cis-het = cisgender heterosexual. One of the most common gender identity and sexual orientation combinations. Cisgender a term for people whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth. Heterosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behaviour between persons of the opposite sex or gender.
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International Women's Day: Be a Lady They Said

3/8/2020

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I thought I would share the video, "Be a Lady They Said". I found it to be very powerful in speaking to the many contradictory expectations of women.
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Feminist Friday: The Super Bowl Sunday Special

2/9/2020

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Feminist Friday is back, because I felt compelled to write about the Super Bowl Sunday halftime show.

Why did I watch it?
Francesca (aka Sabeya) posted on Facebook saying she wasn't watching the Super Bowl & asked if other people were not watching it too. Someone commented that Francesca was missing the halftime show & she replied saying she watched the halftime show. I wondered why, so I checked out the details and learned that JLo and Shakira were performing. According to article I read, Shakira's been belly dancing since she was young. Suddenly, it made sense. Francesca is a professional dancer. She teaches a belly dance fitness class I attend & she's the person who started Shimmy Mob, the world's largest belly dance flash mob! So I decided to watch the halftime show.

My View
First, let me say there were some things I really liked about it! Shakira and Jennifer Lopez are both talented entertainers & they put on a great song and dance act. I thought it was very cool that both of the women featured weren't young; Shakira is in her 40's and JLo is 50! I also liked many of the songs and artists that were featured. I love Reggaeton. I often dance to it at clubs & Mi Gente is on one of my playlists. :)

Now let's get to some of the problems, starting with this. I think this image really sums up one of the biggest issues I had with the show. Here we see JLo in a nude bodysuit with sparkles that strategically cover some parts & mimic the look of lingerie. And we see J Balvin next to her fully clothed and covered. We see her dancing suggestively & him pointing at her butt.

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This sends a very clear message & it's one I've seen time and time again since I was a kid. The message is, if you're a guy and you want to be a musician, go for it! It doesn't matter what you look like. Whether your hot & ripped or kind of plain looking, heavy or thin. All kinds of guys are popular musicians! And when you're up on stage, if you're a guy, you just need to sing. But if you're a girl, well, you better be hot and thin & you'll have to wear revealing outfits & dance suggestively.

It used to be you had to be young too, but with Shakira and JLo being featured it seems like being young isn't necessarily a requirement anymore. But being hot and wearing lingerie-like outfits is required & don't forget those moves! Crotch grabbing, twerking and pole dancing!

I know some people defended the outfits Shakira and JLo wore saying they were similar to the cheerleader's outfits & I agree cheerleader outfits are often skimpy. But why do skilled singers need to dress in outfits to match the cheerleaders? And why do cheerleaders wear those outfits? Where are the male cheerleaders dressed like Chippendale dancers?

Others have pointed out that the outfits and dance moves are just like what you see at concerts done by these women. I agree, but why are women expected to wear revealing outfits and move suggestively and sing? Why is this standard? Why is this considered not just normal and acceptable, but the ideal? Why is THAT what's required to become popular, or even break into the industry? Why is THAT what it takes to become the richest woman in the entertainment industry? Is hot & sexy STILL the only way for women to get ahead?

To me, the halftime show looked like it was crafted for the male gaze, an adult heterosexual male gaze.

I know some people pointed out that a male singer sang without a shirt last year & no, that is not the same. When the standard becomes that male singers have to wear lingerie & dance around suggestively, then we'll have some gender parity!

Maybe the NFL could get Todrick Hall to wear a nude bodysuit like JLo's, with sparkles just covering the crotch and he could do his routine from Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels. That *might* begin to even the scales.

I find it sad, because it's the same old message we've been fed for years. Guys, you get measured by your talents. Girls, you get measured by your looks, how sexy you are, talent is secondary.

Just take a look at listings looking for female singers. They say openly they want young, hot looking women. The entertainment industry is one of the few industries where it's perfectly legal to choose based on looks, ethnicity, age...you can feel free to be biased! It's an industry where you're often judged on how hot and sexy you look, more than your talent. This is part of the reason why plastic surgery is so popular, particularly with female entertainers.
 
Women like Shakira and JLo know how to cash in on this. Same with Beyoncé, Kim K and dozens of others (including lots of Instagram influencers). These women choose to flaunt their bodies to promote their talents, or in the absence of talent (e.g. Kim K.'s infamous comment that she doesn't know how to sing or dance…).

I know personally I've felt torn by this. I've always wanted to be recognized for my talents and skills! My intelligence and the fact that I can act, dance, sing and create art. I've purposefully downplayed my appearance and covered my body, but I've seriously wondered if that's the wrong choice! When I see examples like Beyoncé and Kim K. being some of the richest and most powerful women in the world, I wonder if maybe I should be flaunting my 34H cup tits and shaking them for the world, because it would probably earn me a lot more money! And when these women are held up as examples of being feminist, I wonder WTF am I even doing?

I used to think such behavior would hurt your reputation and damage your professional career, but seeing women like Kim K. go from sex tape to one of the richest women in the world, it makes me think it doesn't matter. You can release a sex tape, do porn, wear revealing outfits, pose nude, etc. and it won't hurt your reputation or damage your professional career. In fact, it can make you rich, famous and popular!

I've seen how women like Cardi B. have openly admitted to not just stripping, but drugging and robbing men. Like she actually did what's portrayed in Hustlers in real life, which is a crime! And somehow there was no outrage. She's not considered a pariah like Bill Cosby. Why?

And as much as I love some of Lizzo's songs, that outfit she wore to the Lakers game with the cut-out butt? Ugly AF & why a sports event? And it’s not about her size, that outfit would look ugly on ANYONE, any gender, any size! But I'm not a fan of ass-less pants either. I feel like the *only* place I can imagine a use for bottomless pants and dresses is a kink club. Not a sporting event.

And here we are at another sporting event, sporting things that make no sense. Like that POLE! Seriously, WTF? Why was there pole dancing during the halftime show? Pole dancing is something that happens at strip clubs. I mean, where else does that happen? (There IS an answer to this question later on in this post.)
 
Mom's View
I asked my mom for her view, because a number of comments I read from moms said they wouldn't want their young daughter or son to see that halftime show. She commented on the crotch grabbing moves, the skimpy outfits, the pole dancing. She didn't feel it was appropriate for what was supposed to be family entertainment.

She recalled a scene from an old black & white movie where one woman is giving advice to another saying to always remember, "British in the parlor, Parisian in the bedroom." She feels like she’s pretty liberal and her 30 year old friends agree, but she feels like you should be tasteful, refined, elegant in public & feel free to go wild in your bedroom. She felt that movie quote sums up that idea nicely.

She asked, "Why are we celebrating just their bodies and shaking their booty?" She told me she felt like feminism had somehow gone from being able to pursue any job you want for equal pay to let's flash our boobs & crotch. She questioned what kind of values modern feminism was putting forward. "How is this encouraging women to be confident & free? Free to do what? Vulgar movements?"

She thought some of the dance moves were "simulating having sex" and she found that distasteful. "And then to have the children there” commenting on children's choir, my mom sounded truly sad for the young children exposed and involved.

I asked her what age she thought would be appropriate for the program. "Teens?" she said hesitantly, "but even then", she commented again about the "appalling" content. She said she felt "over 25 would be better, when you've had some life experience.” I laughed and asked why 25 and she commented on the values being conveyed and the lyrics in the songs.

I hadn't even paid attention to the lyrics. My mom had! She commented how "She-Wolf" is a story about a woman who feels neglected by her partner, so she goes to a bar looking for casual sex. "What is this teaching you?" she exclaimed. "Rather than talk to your partner, you should go cheat?"

Then she commented about "Hips Don't Lie" and how the message was that if a woman swings her hips and dances suggestively, then it means she wants to have sex with you. Now every guy at the club is going to think I want to have sex with him!

My mom mentioned the halftime show reminded her of the documentary "Generation Wealth". I wasn't familiar with it, so I decided to watch it.

Generation Wealth: Pornified Culture & Where Else Do You See Pole Dancing?
So I watched the documentary & at the start I didn't see the connection, but then Chris Hedges commented, "We're a completely pornified culture. The images of porn are now so pervasive and accessible throughout the society they've leeched into popular culture."

The on-screen images reflect this and include a pole dancing fitness class. Oh yeah, that is a thing! I know they exist locally here in Vancouver too.

Last year I even signed up for a couple of dance classes focused on hip hop that advertised themselves as being for fierce, independent women, using names like "Army of Sass". When I showed up, I found out the classes were focused on teaching you how to dance sexy in heels. Yes, they were using some hip hop moves, but in heels. Needless to say, I dropped the classes. I like sneakers for dance. :)

Generation Wealth now had my attention & it is related. Chris Hedges comments later in the documentary that "unfettered, unregulated capitalism does what it's designed to do, which is commodify everything. Even human beings become commodities that you exploit for profit, until exhaustion or collapse." 

Kacey Jordon, the former porn star is interviewed at one point. She talks about that fact that when she started she wanted to be an actor. When she was offered porn she agreed, because it seemed similar and related, it seemed like a way to get into doing films. She commented about Kim Kardashian's success saying "Kim is my inspiration for, I can still make it, you know, because I have lots of sex tapes to show & maybe I'll still come out on top somehow."

So Beyoncé, Shakira, JLo, Kim, and all the female celebs and influencers, I call to you. I want you understand what kind of inspiration you are giving to the young women of the world. I want you fully comprehend what kind of influence, what kind of role model you are. I want you to understand the kind of messages you're sending. Honestly, not just to young women, the kind of messages you're sending to ALL women, and to men too for that matter.

Every time we use SEX to sell, we are feeding into the system that says that being hot and sexy is what matters the most. It says that how hot you are is more important than how intelligent you are. That how sexy you are is more important than your talents and skills. That a woman's body is her most important and valuable asset.

I'm not saying you have to wear sack dress to perform, but there is a time and a place for lingerie and I don't think it should be the stage (or videos for that matter). But I know that's the path to millions. It's the path paved with gold. The temptation is strong. I know it is. I've felt it. I've had friends who have given in to different degrees. I know women who post sexy selfies & I've known women who have been strippers & women who have done sex work. I know sexy pics get lots of likes and followers. And I know you can make a lot of money being a stripper and doing sex work.

At one point in Generation Wealth, a young girl named Sheena is interviewed, she's 15 and she says "I wanna be a topless dancing showgirl...if I can accomplish being that, then I can accomplish anything."
 
I think this quote points to what I think is horribly awry with modern feminism. Women are being told and shown that the way to get ahead, the way to accomplish ANYTHING, fame, fortune, success, etc. is to show and shake your body! That the path to power as a woman is to take off your clothes, to be hot and sexy, that that IS empowerment, that that is feminism.
 
Sadly, I read that Jennifer Lopez thinks this debate is “silliness” and she feels the halftime show was “really well reserved”. In her interview with Jimmy Fallon she says, “and that small faction of people who want to be negative about it, I can’t even let in because it was such an amazing night.”
 
So apparently she thinks it’s just a “small faction” of people who think the performance was inappropriate and that they’re just being “negative”, so she won’t even listen to what they have to say. :(
 
I think that’s really sad, because it makes it clear to me that she not going to listen to anyone who doesn’t agree with her. She’s not interested in hearing how her performance showed that women are on top of the world when they’re half-naked twirling around the top of a pole.


I wish I could end this post on a more positive and hopeful note, point to some bright spots, some hope for change, but this is the same issue and same messages I’ve seen since I was a child and things don’t really seem to be getting better. In some ways it seems like things have gotten worse.

My mom asked if I was going to encourage people to write to the NFL & I feel like go ahead if you want, but I think the issue is larger than that.

I think it might be more effective to write to female entertainers to try to change their minds, but I’m not sure if they will listen.

I guess I should thank JLo for making it crystal clear what it takes to get to the top of the world as a woman. The halftime show made it clear that as a female entertainer, what really matters is how hot & sexy & scantily clad you are. But if you’re a man, you can wear baggy sweatpants and glasses, because men just need talent.

I wish I felt like I could stand up and say, no, I won’t do that! But I know all too well that my success and even my ability to get jobs is directly related to how many followers I have on social media.


I guess I should post more hot and sexy pics. Goodness know lots of guys asked about that bikini pic after I did the Dolly Parton Challenge. I’m sure my social media following would increase if I did!
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Your New Dating Checklist: Early Warning Signs

9/28/2019

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I wanted to share this article about 9 very early signs of emotional and verbal abuse. I think it's a good list to look over and check if you see any of these warning signs, when you're dating someone new.
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Tomorrow, I'll be performing with Shimmy Mob. We're doing an extra performance this year, which is focused on raising awareness about emotional abuse.

It's a flash mob, so times are approximate:

Time: 11-11:15am
Lafarge Lake, Coquitlam, BC
Pinetree Way across from Douglas College.
We'll be performing in the bandshell on the North side of the lake.

Time: 11:45am
50 Queen's Street, Port Moody, BC
Between Spring street & Clark St.
We'll be performing beside the Aroma Indian Restaurant & Lounge.

From there we may continue to Queen's Park in New Westminster and maybe down to Vancouver as well.

If you're in the area, come see us perform. :)

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5 Minutes of Awareness to Help Save Lives: Please Read this PDF

5/8/2019

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This Saturday May 11 is World Bellydance Day & it's the day Shimmy Mob will be taking places in locations around the world with thousands of participants.

Shimmy Mob is an annual flash mob dedicated to raising awareness about domestic violence.

It's an important topic, the statistics are still around 1 in 3 women & 1 in 7 men who have experienced domestic violence, and that's what's reported. I think everyone knows the numbers are higher, because people generally only report serious issues, and police and courts are often involved.

5 Minutes of Awareness to Help Save Lives
If you have just 5 minutes for this important topic, please read this PDF. The focus for this year's campaign is on awareness and learning to recognize the early signs of emotional abuse, as this often occurs before physical abuse...and domestic violence can be fatal, not everyone survives when the abuse becomes physical. So the idea is that everyone should learn to recognize the signs, so you can spot it if you encounter in your own life or see a friend or someone you know who is experiencing abuse. Awareness is key and the earlier signs can be recognized and the abuse can be stopped, the better.

If you have a bit more time and interest in this topic... Well, for one, come see us dance!

World Bellydance Day, Saturday May 11
This Saturday we're currently scheduled to perform at the following locations, subject to change, it is a "flash mob" afterall. :)

Tricities
  • Port Coquitlam: Shaughnessy St. in front of City Hall before the May Day parade begins (10am)
  • Port Moody: Rocky Point Park (~11am? Details to be confirmed)
  • Coquitlam (~12pm? To be confirmed, we don't even know where!)
Vancouver
  • Science World: Quebec St. (2pm)
  • Terry Fox Plaza: Beatty St. (To be confirmed)
  • Vancouver Public Library: 300 W. Georgia St. and 700 Homer St. block
  • Queen Elizabeth Theatre: 600 Hamilton St. block
  • Art Gallery: 800 Robson St. block
  • North Vancouver (To be confirmed)

For more information about abuse, here are a few good resources I ran across recently.

Why Domestic Violence Victims Don't Leave
Here's a good Ted talk video by Leslie Morgan Steiner sharing her experience with domestic violence  and talking about why people often stay with abusers. Leslie mentions at one point that she believed she "was a very strong woman in love with a deeply troubled man..." I think this is really important point to understand. Many women find themselves in abusive situations with men who are troubled, men who have suffered abuse, who struggle with mental health issues, who struggle with addiction issues... Women often stay because they love the person and they want to help them.

We all need to understand that being troubled or having a mental illness is NOT an excuse or a reason for abuse. If a partner is abusive towards you, regardless of whether they have a mental illness or not, they have no right to treat you in that manner.

Abuse and Mental Illness: Is There a Connection?
Here's a great article about abuse and mental illness. I love the reminder at the end: "You always deserve to have a healthy, loving, supportive, trusting and safe relationship 100% of the time." Yes! Everyone does!

Financial Abuse
This is one of the best descriptions I've seen of financial abuse, which isn't talked about very often. I like this article particularly because it talks about several forms financial abuse. Including the classic form where the abuser works, makes, and controls all the money forbidding the other person to work. And the form I've seen a surprising amount with high-achieving women who worked and made a good income, yet the abuser was manipulating and controlling finances, having them pay all of the bills, sometimes even taking on debt in their names!

I hope you found this post helpful and informative. I hope you will help us raise awareness about domestic violence. I feel this is an important enough topic that I'm personally taking part in the Shimmy Mob, despite recent injuries. And my company, Hourglass Heaven, is officially sponsoring the event as well. I feel this is a good cause and one that is definitely relevant to women, so as a female entrepreneur who makes women's clothing and my customers are women, I think this is a topic we can all support!

I hope you'll come join us on Saturday!

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International Women's Day: Celebrations and Protests

3/8/2019

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Female soldiers participate in the changing of the guard ceremony at the Quirinale, the presidential palace, in Rome on International Women's Day on March 8, 2019. (Gregorio Borgia/AP)
Female soldiers participating in the changing of the guard ceremony at the Quirinale (the presidential palace) in Rome on International Women's Day on March 8, 2019. I love that cape uniform!
I think it's interesting that International Women's Day is so different in various places. In some locations simple subtle nods to women, in some great celebrations, in others protests.

There was one quote in particular that caught my eye in the Google Doodle for International Women's Day 2019: "Wings are freedom only when they are wide open in flight. On one's back they are a heavy weight."

(Graphic design by Yai Salinas)
It's a quote from Marina Tsvetaeva who is a Russian poet.

There's something about this quote that really speaks to me. I like the way it places emphasis on the importance of spreading your wings and embracing your strengths, your brilliance. The importance of doing what you're meant to do, what you love to do, what you feel called to do, your freedom.

This year for International Women's Day I would like to encourage everyone to join the Shimmy Mob!

It's a "flash mob" type of event and the largest belly dancing event of its kind. It's been held for eight years in 44 countries with over a thousand teams and more than 10,000 participants!

The goal is to create awareness to end domestic violence and support victims of abuse around the world. Shimmy Mob is volunteer run and a portion of the registration fees goes directly to local shelters.

Anyone can join! Men, women and children. No experience necessary. It's held around the world, and if there is no local group you can create one!

The Registration Deadline is March 31st.

Practices start in April and the Shimmy Mob will be Saturday, May 11, 2019.

For more information, visit www.shimmymob.com

And yes, I’ve signed up! I will be part of the Shimmy Mob. :)

If you need some inspiration, check out this video:

Sometimes YouTube auto-play finds the best stuff for me! Great belly dancing moves to Tribal in a pretty glittery costume. Yes, Google you know me well, you knew I'd like this. :) Not that I've ever watched anything like this before, but good guess based on my interests!
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Step Into Power: Femininity & Feminism

1/16/2019

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I'm happy to announce a new project I've started called Step Into Power. This workshop series is dedicated to increasing women's self-love and self-empowerment. We'll be offering our first workshop, Monday, January 28 from 7-9pm. Join us as we explore the concepts of Femininity & Feminism. Sliding scale, $5 min. RSVP on Eventbrite.
Image of hairy legs with pink ribbons from
Image from "Selfhelpful"
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Green Tea for Halloween

10/26/2018

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My blogging pattern is all out of order now, but I know I haven't posted any music videos in a while so I thought that would be good to do this week.

Awkwafina x Margaret Cho. NSFW, but fun! The video even has "Ring" references just in time for Halloween. :)

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CƩline to Celine: A man takes over a feminist fashion brand

10/5/2018

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I wanted to share an interesting article about Hedi Slimane's first collection for the French brand Celine. I thought it raised some interesting points about fashion design aesthetics and how many designers creating women's clothing are male. I always thought that was a bit odd too. Why aren't there more female fashion designers making clothes for women?
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Feminist Fridays: Body Love

9/7/2018

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I know there's been some debate about Tess Holliday being featured on the cover of the Cosmo.

In response I wanted to share this beautiful and moving piece by Mary Lambert that matches what I believe, "...that you are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4, that you are no less valuable as 32A than a 36C..."

All sizes and shapes need to be seen. Diversity is important!

There are lots of other great words in her piece, too many to list, give it a listen.

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Feminist Fridays: The Wrong Bitch

7/6/2018

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It's been a while since I featured a video, so I thought that might be fun for this week.

I ran across this song recently and I wish I had discovered it last year; I would have loved to seen the full stage show for Straight Outta OZ.

I wasn't sure about featuring this video at first since it stars Bob the Drag Queen, but I mentioned it a friend and she seemed to think it fit with Feminist Fridays. Drag queens are representing femininity and I love it when it's a great strong representations like this one.

And I love the black glitter skin. :)

Enjoy!

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Feminist Fridays: Postmodernism and Feminism

6/1/2018

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Time for philosophical comics!

I thought this comic does a great job of explaining postmodernism and poking fun at some of the misunderstandings that some people seem to have about what it means.
Existential Comic
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Feminist Fridays: Women of the World

3/2/2018

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March 8th is International Women's Day.

This time I'm featuring "Women of the World" by Ivor Cutler and I think this recording is the original from the album, Privilege.

My favourite section is the chorus:

Women of the World take over

Because if you don´t the world will come to an end

And we haven´t got long

It's a call to action to all women. It is our time to step forward, to lead, to help humanity move forward.

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Feminist Fridays: March & Make-up

2/2/2018

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So much happened the last few weeks that I probably could have done weekly posts this month. Well, at least I have content for a while. :)

Women's March Vancouver
I participated in the Women's March in Vancouver this year (January 20). I hope you participated in a local Women's march too!

The Vancouver one was nice, if small. I heard a few people mention the crowd seemed a bit smaller than last year. I didn't hear about the one last year, so I didn't attend. This year a couple of friend marked it as interesting on Facebook, so I decided to go. It felt important to go this year.

It was cold and rainy, typical January in Vancouver. The speaker were good, though I wanted to do more marching, less standing in the cold and rain (it was really cold, maybe I should have worn more layers).

A number of speakers acknowledged the Coast Salish Territories we were meeting on and made a point to acknowledge that fact. There was good representation of a number of groups as speakers, which included a number of First Nations speakers and performers, Black Lives Matter, and a Transgender Sex Worker. All of the speakers were quite good and spoke to a number of women's issues from various perspectives and communities.

After that we got to march and then we all ran off to somewhere warm and dry.

Make-up
I thought it was interesting that Maye Musk has been announced as the new Covergirl spokesperson and Revlon announced a contract with Ashley Graham.

I think of the two, I'm far more interested in Covergirl choosing Maye Musk.

Ashely Graham is pretty, young woman and isn't really that radical of a choice for Revlon. Yes, I know everyone is impressed because she's "plus-size" and, uhm, she's not that big. I mean it's great and everything, but it would have been far more of a brave move to choose a model with a double-chin. :)

In contrast, Maye Musk is quite a choice for Covergirl. Covergirl has always been associated with young, pretty girls; it's even in the name, CoverGIRL.

Maye is beautiful and she's not young, she's 69! Check out her Instagram. She's the age where your often told less is more or you shouldn't wear make-up. Certainly not a typical choice for a make-up brand.

I know it's not the first time a make-up line has chosen an older model. I just found it interesting both of these happen recently.

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Feminist Fridays: Feminism

1/5/2018

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I thought it was interesting that "feminism" was chosen as word of the year for 2017 by Merriam-Webster.

Check out this great video on their site explaining why they choose "feminism" as word of the year and the other words chosen for the list this year.

I also wanted to let you know I'll be doing the Feminist Fridays posts once a month on the first Friday this year (and I've set a Google reminder so I won't miss it).

I know I've missed a few Fridays and I need to find and write more content.

I also plan to post more about other topics, like styling tips for different body types, as that's been requested by some women.

So, Feminist Fridays on the first Friday of the month, and other topics during the month.

If you have a request for a topic, let me know.

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Feminist Fridays: A Tooth for an Eye

12/22/2017

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This week I'm sharing A Tooth for an Eye by The Knife.

I love the way the video plays with expectations and gender norms and the choreography is beautiful.

The lyrics of the song speak more to humanism and inequity in a poetic form.

Favourite bits:
Border's lies
The idea of what's mine
A strange desire
Drawing lines with a ruler
Bring the fuel to the fire


I remember being told that some traditional tribes didn't have a concept of owning land; how could one own land anymore than you can own air or water? Particularly if you're a nomadic tribe...

I recall thinking, I agree! I didn't think you really could own air or land or water. They are all elements of the world and belong to everyone and everything that lives here on this planet.
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Feminist Fridays: Sometimes Saturdays

12/16/2017

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Yeah, I know; it's Saturday, not Friday.

I was planning to post just after I finished getting ready for the Crafty Affaire Holiday Market...and then I was up until the wee hours, well past midnight getting ready. I crashed after that and forgot all about my posting plans until after the market today. :P

I think I'll keep it short this week and direct you to my Creepy Santa and the "good guy" post from Sunday, as it was originally planned as a Fem Fridays post. I just decided to post it on the last day of the 16 Days of Activism instead.

Next week we'll get back to music videos, unless something else interesting and fairly feminist shows up between now and then.

If you have suggestions, let me know!
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Creepy Santa and the "good guy"

12/10/2017

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Since October, many women have been speaking out about the experiences they have had with sexual assault and harassment. It's been in the news and many women have bravely posted on social media their own "MeToo" stories.

It's made me think about whether or not I should write about my experiences. I've had many.

I'd say the first serious incident was right around this time of year when I was 10 years old. We went to the mall and my little brother wanted to go see Santa. My mother was all for it, of course, wanted pics of us with Santa and all that.

My brother wanted me to come with, so we both approached Santa and were invited to sit on his lap. As soon as I went to sit down, Santa squeezed my butt. I was shocked and stood bolt upright. My mother asked what was wrong. I couldn't think of anyway to explain what had happened right then and there. My brother was 4 years old and pleading with me to be with him. I hesitantly returned to my brother and Santa. I didn't want creepy Santa to touch me anymore, so I avoided contact as much as a I could, but it was impossible to completely avoid during the ritual of saying what you want for Christmas and getting a pic taken. I'm sure I looked deeply uncomfortable through the whole thing. I know my mother has a photo somewhere of that awful day. :(

I did tell my mother what had happened afterwards. She agreed it was terrible and she promised she wouldn't make sit on any mall Santa's lap ever again.

When I think about it though, I'm not sure that was actually my first incident of sexual harassment. I remember very distinctly how several boys broke into the playground bathroom when I was in elementary school, so they could catch me with my pants down. I felt horribly embarrassed and I was paranoid about using that bathroom from then on, concerned it would happen again. After that I would always brace a leg on the door if I used THAT bathroom. I don't really recall if that was before or after the bad Santa experience.

I'm also pretty sure I was sexually abused as a child. I don't remember the incidents very clearly, but I do have some fuzzy, unpleasant memories. I know I was at least sexually harassed by my step-father who interrupted my showers and walked in on me when I was changing to comment on my "peach fuzz" and "thunder thighs", stealing my towel, not letting me cover myself...

The first sexual experience I clearly remember was being raped. It was my first year of college. I went to visit the guy I was supposedly dating and found him making out with another girl. Upset, I went to hang out with some friends who helped me drink away my sorrows. One of the guys there, who was a friend of a friend, managed to talk me into hanging out with just him. He volunteered to walk me back to my dorm room. When we got there he started kissing me, which I was fine with at the time. Then he started trying to take off my clothes and make out with me. I wasn't comfortable with that and told him so. I told him kisses and cuddling were ok, but I didn't want anything more than that. He was insistent, pinned my arms down, and didn't stop even when I clearly said NO, STOP, NO!

I talked to one of my female friends about the experience later and found out he had done the same thing to her! She told me he had done that to other women too. I felt better and worse at the same time. It was kind of a relief to find out it wasn't just me, that other women had the same experience and also felt violated. I also felt terrible and angry that this guy has gotten away with date raping multiple women. I told my male friend who was his friend about it; he didn't believe me and dismissed the accusations saying they couldn't be true because his friend was a "good guy".

I was grateful when the following year, the college had a male police officer visit the campus to do a presentation about violence against women. The officer discussed date rape and showed a number of examples of how violence against women is often glorified and romanticized in everything from movies featuring "sweet surrender" to fashion ads containing elements of harassment, violence and abuse portrayed as "sexy".

And then there's all the mild harassment over the years, catcalls, lewd comments, etc.

I recall once I was at a restaurant with my family when I was about 12 years old and I had a guy come up and whisper into my ear in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me sexually. I guess maybe he thought I was a college student? I don't know why I even bother coming up with excuses for his behavior.

I was equally offended when I had a near identical experience when I was in college. I was at church and it was after the service and some random guy came up and start whispering graphic details in my ear. Again, I was offended and it turned my stomach. I thought it was SO inappropriate.

So, yeah, I could go on. I've had a lot of unpleasant experiences. I am one of the many women saying "me too".

I decided to post this as part of my participation in the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-based Violence.
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Feminist Fridays: Hijab

12/8/2017

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This week I'm featuring an interesting song by Mona Haydar.

In terms of favourite lyrics, I really like this section of the chorus:
All around the world
Love women every shading
Be so liberated
All around the world
Love women every shading
Power run deep


And this section is really nice too:
Takin' back the misnomers and
Teleportin' through trauma (x3)
I been stackin' my karma
Nefertiti, no drama
Make a feminist planet
Women haters get banished
Covered up or not don’t ever take us for granted


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Feminist Fridays: 16 Days of Activism

12/2/2017

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Yeah, I know. It's Saturday, not Friday.

I missed my deadline for my Friday post, partly because I was busy trying to setup my holiday sales and items on my Hourglass Heaven store & partly because I've had a hard time writing this week's post.

I was going to write a MeToo post and I found myself rewriting it, not knowing what to say, not knowing which events to list...and then thought of more. :(

I'm also a very private person and I wasn't really sure if I wanted to share. I thought, maybe I won't, that was last month that people were posting lots of stories anyway...maybe I shouldn't bother.

Then I got an email from The University Women's Club of Vancouver, saying that this is the seventh day of the #16DaysofActivism.

The email mentions that "Social media movements like #METOO and #MyActionsMatter are important for increasing awareness and showing support." So yeah, I will finish that MeToo post, talking about some of the issues I've faced.

For this week, I agree with UWCV in encouraging you to be part of the solution. Get involved by attending a local #16Days event or committing to one of the CFUW 16 recommended actions.

I also wanted to share this Instagram account I found today @catcallsofnyc and the #stopstreetharassment campaign. I wonder if every city needs this until this kind of behavior changes.

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Feminist Fridays: Married with Children

11/24/2017

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"Are you married? Do you have children?"

Why are these so often the first questions we ask women we meet? Even at work in the office, I've often had these questions asked when I meet someone for the first time. Surprisingly, I still get asked these questions a lot by other women at business networking events.

Why is a women's worth judged on whether she's married and has children? Why is this even relevant in a business environment?

I've always felt these questions were irrelevant, personal questions. Really, save those questions for the woman you're trying to pick up at the bar. Then I'll excuse it, because it's actually relevant in that situation.

Outside of that, find better questions to ask a woman when you're getting to know her. I do!

Check out this video for a great message from Tracee Ellis Ross on this topic.

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Feminist Fridays: That's Harassment

11/17/2017

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I ran across this series of short videos based on real incidents and I thought I'd share. If you haven't seen them yet, check them out.
 I think the most shocking bit for me was realizing how "normal" some of them seemed to me.

It was actually hard for me to see what was wrong with "The Doctor" as I've had pretty much that same interaction with a doctor before.

Similarly, "The Photographer" seemed inappropriate and wrong & at the same time kind of expected. I guess I expect photographers to be sleazy? I think the most disturbing part of that one was seeing the room full of people observing the photo-shoot and doing nothing...

I also find it interesting that Cosmopolitan choose to switch "The Photographer" video to being unlisted at some point. So that video no longer appears on their YouTube channel and you can't search for it, you can only find it in some playlists created by other people. I guess maybe it hit too close to home for Cosmo?

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Feminist Fridays: BITCH

11/10/2017

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I never really liked the term bitch. It's derogatory, right?

Then I learned, read the studies. Behavior by a man, seen as successful, assertive, a go-getter. Same behavior by a woman, seen as a negative, bossy, a bitch.

We expect women to be accommodating, yielding, gentle. So when we defy those expectations, it's not always seen as good. And often the word bitch is spoken as a bad reaction to us standing up for ourselves.

I think most women have experienced this in both professional life and personal life.

Now, I've started to think of BITCH as a woman, Being In Total Control of Herself.

I've run into some bad reactions lately from men who sent me private messages me on Facebook. So this week it's a rant about bad reactions, some articles, and a music video!

The Rant
So here's some examples of bad reactions I've run into lately.

1. If someone I don't know sends me a private message on FB, I often ask, "How can I help you?"

The responses I've gotten from guys? "you are so mean", "I don’t why ur so angry", and being told I'm being "harsh".

Uhm, no I'm not. I'm not angry, just busy. I'm not being mean, I'm being nice, polite, professional. I'm asking why you're contacting me. I'm asking how I can help! I could have been blunt and unfriendly and just said "What do you want?"

2. Several guys have sent me lewd messages and images on FB, but what really took the cake was the dude who sent me a video of sodomy. I stared at it for a second thinking, what the heck is this and why is it in my inbox? Then it dawned on me, oh, I see, this is this guy's reaction to me turning him down. He didn't have the words, so he thought video was his best revenge I guess.

3. Another dude tried to chat me up and I told him I wasn't looking for a chat buddy. He asked if I was married, so I sent him a link to my NO post and explained that I don't use FB as a dating site.

His reaction went from bad to worse rapidly. He started by asking me "why you're getting angry" and told me to "relax". He then went on to say, "you like Hitler really in short time you got very angry....there is no any Hitler like you...can i call your name Hitler?"

At this point I blocked him.

I try to be nice. I'd love to talk to ACTUAL FANS, you know someone who actually likes my art, my music, my fashion designs... But no, these guys just wanted to chat with a woman and get her to send pics, cam, etc. Ugh, how very disappointing. :(

Articles
So here's some interesting articles about the differences in how men and women are perceived.
  • Gender Bias At Work -- Why Men Call Forceful Women 'Hysterical' And Try To Silence Them
  • The Sad Truth About Assertive Women
  • The Fine Art of Female Assertiveness: How to get your way by being diplomatically assertive
 
Music Video
And here's a music video that matches the topic quite well, HBIC

Favourite Lyrics

Well, the chorus is pretty awesome:
1. You think I'm bossy
2. You think I look mean
3. And you don't like me
4. I don't care

I’m the Head Bitch In Charge, yeah
I’m the Head…
I’m the Head Bitch In Charge, yeah
I’m the Head…


This bit is also good:
Now I take credit whenever I get it
I work to earn it, and don’t you forget it
You call me bossy, a matter of pride to me
You best remember, I’m the H.B.I.C.
I’m the H.B.I.C.

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Feminist Fridays: BOSS

11/3/2017

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Another song I considered for the fashion show. The video even features a runway scene.

It's definitely embracing female entrepreneurs, which I like of course.

It's icons are rather specific and dated, still nice images. It's silly and playful.

I like the messages in the song and the words flashed in the video intro here.

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Feminist Fridays: Scuse Me

10/27/2017

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Today I'm going to feature song by Lizzo called Scuse Me.

Favourite Lyrics:

Feelin' like a stripper when I'm lookin' in the mirror
I'll be slappin' on that ass gettin' thicker and thicker


Oh! I love this refrain. I love that she unabashedly loves herself and all the curves!

I don't need a crown to know that I'm a queen

This line is great too.

I hope you enjoy the song!
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