LALENA - Blog

3 Reasons YOU Should Join Shimmy Mob Right Now

1/20/2023

3 Reasons YOU should join Shimmy Mob right now:

1. It's good exercise & it's open to everyone. No previous experience needed. All genders & all ability levels are welcome (instructors teach a basic & advanced version of the dance, and many show a version you can do from a chair)

2. It's supporting a good cause. It's to raise awareness about domestic violence & raise funds for local shelters. 50% of people experience DV at some point in their lives, so this issue is likely to have touched you or someone you love. ❤️

3. It's global & online. 🌎 You're connecting with a community of thousands of people in hundreds of countries around the world. There are videos on the website to learn the dances. And many rehearsals have moved online during the pandemic, so you can rehearse live over Zoom with other people. For performance, there's an option to perform online or with your local group outdoors.

Today is the last day for early bird prices. 🐣 So I encourage you to sign up & join us! 💃

I first joined Shimmy Mob in 2019, so I got to experience one year before the pandemic. Over the past three years, this has been a wonderful community to be a part of. I've met so many great dance teachers & dancers from all over the world. I took belly dance lessons online during pandemic working my way up from beginner to intermediate level, and I even took a special class on veil work. About year ago I joined an online dance troupe, the Shimmy Sirens of Zoom, which I love. And I've gotten connected to other online events, like the Night in the Global Village online haflas.

For me being able to continue dance these past few years has been great. Good exercise, good social connections, doing something I love, and helping with a social cause I believe is important.

If you want to see some examples of the Shimmy Mob dances, I have a bunch on my YouTube channel & here's my most recent solo video.

Ghosts in the House & Ghost in the Machine

1/13/2023

Presence is one of the earliest noise pieces I worked on. It was originally created using an old 4-track bought from a pawn shop & it makes heavy use of loops. I took the original tapes into ProTools & remixed and arranged them.

One of the sounds in this piece was created trying to replicate the sound of a supernatural experience, thus the name Presence. You'll also hear the sounds of bells, chimes, chains and other noises that are often associated with ghosts.

The work itself was created in a house that dated from around 1900 that was haunted. My cat liked to play and run up and down the long hallway of the "shotgun shack" and she seemed to be playing with some kind of spirits. They were never clearly visible to me, the most I ever saw were vague orbs of light. There were also occasional breezes from nowhere that would move curtains, but I usually dismissed those as just being an old drafty house.

One day I was trying to recreate a sound someone else in the band had heard during a supernatural experience. When I managed to create a waveform on my synthesizer that they felt matched, it had a strange effect on the synthesizer where every other key on the keyboard ended up with it's own unique and odd sound that didn't match the waveform I had just created. (This should not have happened, I created one waveform that should have mapped over the keys in different pitches. It should haven't created a bunch of different sounds for each key.)

As we continued to work on the piece, I saw something invisible lift a curtain that was hanging in a doorway to enter the room. We decided to run with that theme and the song ended up being about ghosts.

So here is the song, Presence. It contains that waveform/sound that one of the band members heard during a supernatural experience. The song was created during the event described above when my synthesizer freaked out when I tried to recreated that sound & a spirit appeared to enter the room.

Many describe this track as hypnotic, meditative, and trancelike. And I love the way the visuals look and move with the music. I hope you enjoy it.

Three Kings' Day

1/6/2023

Today is the Epiphany, also called Three Kings' Day. This is the day the magi visited and gave gifts to baby Jesus. And that's exactly what this piece is about. Trimagis is cinematic audio work describing each of the three wise men and the gifts they bring. I hope you enjoy it.

I know I posted this before a while ago, but I think it's been long enough that it will be new to many people and I know some people have no idea I create experimental music like this with cool audiovisuals. :D

Happy New Year!

1/1/2023

Happy New Year! Or at least I hope it's happy. I hope it's better than 2022.

I wanted to do more over the holidays. I wanted to write to friends, record a new dance video, take selfies in cute holiday outfits, post more, share more, but I've been sick and feeling fatigued so I wasn't up to much of any of that.

So if you're reading this, I ask you to please pray for me and send some of your healing light energy my way 😇🙏

In reflecting on the end of the year last night, I mostly felt grateful. I managed to survive 2022! I managed to survive another year of this pandemic (I can hardly believe it's been 3 years now & that it's still not over)

I want to share more, I plan to share more, and I will when I can find the time and the energy. For now, I wish you and your loved ones well. I wish you happiness, good health and good fortune.

I Danced for Johnny Depp: Dancing to Raise Awareness about Abuse

5/21/2022

Last weekend I danced to raise awareness about domestic abuse, and at least in my mind, I danced for Johnny Depp. I danced for everyone who has suffered abuse from someone they loved, everyone who has suffered abuse from someone with a personality disorder. I danced for those have not or can not speak up. And I danced with the joy of being free from abuse.

I’m part of an organization called Shimmy Mob, the world’s largest belly dance flash mob. Thousands of dancers gather in hundreds of cities around the world to raise awareness about domestic abuse, because this is a global issue and it can happen to anyone!

I danced in the live performance by the global Shimmy Mob group. I'm also a member of the online dance troupe the Shimmy Sirens of Zoom :) and our video will be featured in an online halfa today being hosted by Night in the Global Village. I also recorded a solo version, because my friends and fans told me they want to see me and I was too small on the screen in the dance troupe versions. So here you go, friends and fans :D

I think the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard trial has brought the topic of abuse into the news and into conversation with others. I think that there are few silver linings to the train wreck on fire that is this trial.

The first is that Johnny Depp has become a very public face for men who have experienced abuse at the hands of the woman they loved. I think it’s important to recognize that yes, men can be abused too. And it doesn’t just happen to short, slim, small, young men. I vividly recall the first time a male friend of mine confided in me about the abuse that he had suffered at the hands of his ex-wife. He was not someone I would have expected to have been abused. He was taller and bigger than me and he was trained to fight, he was ex-military. But his wife was cruel and they met in the military and she savagely beat him. What he described sounded horrible. I was surprised and I felt touched that he trusted me enough to share his experience with me, that he felt safe enough with me as a friend to trust me, to tell me what happened to him. I feel that Johnny Depp stepping up to speak publicly about his experience is incredibly brave and I think it’s important to have a public figure admit that yes, this happened to him. Men are sometimes abused by women, it does happen, and it's just as sad and awful as women being abused by men.

In a recent analysis by Statistics Canada 44% of women and 36% of men had experienced intimate partner violence. You'll notice those numbers are very similar between women and men and alarmingly high. The actual numbers are probably even higher, since there is a lot of under-reporting (particularly by men) and North America has a low rate compared to the rest of the world. Estimates for global numbers look more like over 50% of people experience domestic violence at some point in their life. And there have been studies showing there has been a recent increase in young males being abused by the women they are involved with, which is worrying trend. And it's been all over the news headlines how much domestic violence has increased during the pandemic. This is a BIG global issue affecting a lot of people!

I think another silver lining from this trial is that it is shining a direct and harsh light on mental illness. It’s giving the public a very clear example of what some specific personality disorders look like. In Amber Heard's testimony and the audio tapes made by the couple when they were together, you can hear it. You can hear how she’s unwilling to admit any responsibility, how she’s inconsistent in what she says, and how she constantly twists what people say and the truth. I've felt this way about a few other female celebrities who have been in the spotlight recently too, like Jada Pinkett-Smith and even Meghan Markle. All of these women seem to have poorly controlled mental health issues that are on display for the world to see, because they are in the public eye. They appear to have personality disorders that are interfering with their lives and the lives of the people close to them.

I think people don't realize how easily you can find yourself in a situation like this. How it can happen if you're just a compassionate, empathic, and kind person. Where you don't notice the red flags until you're already in the relationship, in love...and then you realize the other person is deeply troubled. And you find yourself wanting to help, because you love them. I think that's often the situation that many people who experience abuse find themselves in and it usually starts with emotional and verbal abuse, so you may not even recognize it as abuse at the beginning. You're involved with the person, you may be living with them, you may have children with them. And you love them, you want to help them, you want things to work out, but the other person has issues, serious issues. Often mental health issues, particularly personality disorders that are poorly managed or completely uncontrolled. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, mental health issues do not give you a free pass to abuse someone. Abuse is NEVER justified!

I think it's important to educate yourself about personality disorders, to better understand the signs. Unlike people with anxiety or depression who know they have a problem, often people with personality disorders don't know they have a problem. They don't think anything is wrong with them. Their thinking is quite literally disordered. And personality disorders can be severely affect someone's behaviour, to the point where it interferes with their lives, their jobs, and their relationships. And some of those behaviours can be very harmful to others, especially those closest to them.

They will do things like compulsively lie. It's not something they necessarily control or are even aware of, their disorder compulses the behaviour. You can see this repeatedly in testimony given by Amber Heard. She is completely inconsistent. In one moment she'll describe the "one time" she ever hit Johnny Depp, but yet during the same deposition she talks about several other incidents where she hit him. There's even a tape of a conversation between the two of them after a fight, where Amber is angrily complaining because Johnny is upset that she punched him. You can listen to their conversations* and it's everything I needed to hear to understand that Amber Heard is an abuser. In the tapes made at the time they were involved, she clearly admits to physically abusing him on multiple occasions and she verbally abuses him on the tapes. She mocks him and makes of fun of him. She calls him a baby for running away from fights. She tells him that she can't promise she won't get physical again...that sometimes she just loses it. She even laughs and dares him to tell the world what really happened, saying that no one will believe him, that noone will believe he's a victim of domestic violence!

Can you imagine if the sexes were reversed? If this was a famous man on tape saying all of that to his wife? I have trouble understanding why so many people believed Amber for so long. I guess #MeToo was in full swing and everyone was all "believe all women". I'd like to, I'd like to believe all women and all men. I'd like to believe everyone. When I first heard about this I assumed that they were in an unhappy and dysfunctional relationship, I believed that perhaps the abuse was mutual. And often in cases of intimate partner violence there is bidirectional violence. But after hearing those audio tapes of the discussions between Amber and Johnny that were made at the time these incidents occurred, watching the video of her deposition and how she smiles when she talks about hitting him, and watching her on the stand now in the current trial, I think it's very clear that Amber is an abuser and that Amber has mental health issues. I believe Dr. Curry was correct in talking about Amber having two personality disorders, Borderline and Histrionic. It's been theorized she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder as well, which is possible - many of the traits do overlap.

I think that Johnny didn't realize what kinds of issues Amber had until he was already involved with her, already in love with her. And from what he's said, he grew up in a family where his mom was abusive, so he had already seen and experienced abuse as a child. I don't know the details, but it's possible his mother had a personality disorder too. In many ways, I feel Johnny's story is my story. I grew in a family where I was abused. And later I found myself in an abusive relationship as an adult. It was only afterwards that I realized how much those experiences were connected to each other and related to mental health issues and personality disorders. I didn't realize until later how much my experiences as a child made me vulnerable to getting involved in an abusive relationship as an adult. I was used to "walking on eggshells". I was used to someone who insisted on their version of reality and you just had to agree with it. There was no argument, reality was whatever they said it was. I was used to violence and threats of violence. When I encountered some of those same things in a relationship as an adult I realized I was unhappy and it wasn't healthy, but I didn't understand why things weren't getting better. I didn't understand why nothing really seemed to make the other person happy or improve things. I recall going to a couple's counsellor and essentially having the counsellor tell me that I wasn't the problem, that the other person needed help. But things never got better and I had to walk away. I'm just grateful and thankful that I was able to walk away. I know sadly many people stay in abusive relationships, or worse are killed by their abusive partners.

I think it's important to mention that not all people with personality disorders are violent. There have been some studies connecting personality disorders and violence. But there have also been studies showing upwards of 18% of CEOs are narcissists. Similarly, celebrities and influencers tend to be narcissists as well. For example, Meghan Markle is a relatively nice narcissist, she loves attention for doing charity work and being a "do-gooder". It's not that these people are good or evil, it's just that they have mental health issues. Though it is wise to be wary of narcissists. By definition, they are self-interested and lacking empathy, so they are capable of seriously harming others and they may be unaware of what they are doing. This is also part of what makes them "great" CEOs, they make decisions that are great for them and the companies financially, but sometimes give little thought ethics, employees, the larger and long-term consequences of their actions, etc. They don't give thought to anything outside of themselves, everything is related to them. It can make them highly successful, but it can also make them highly dangerous to other people and the world in general.

I strongly encourage you to educate yourself about abuse and personality disorders. It's vital that we all learn more about this important topic. It affects ALL of our lives. It's estimated about 10% of the population have personality disorders, though it may be higher, and there have been some studies showing an increase in narcissism recently. And if 50% of people experience domestic violence, then it has touched you or someone you know. Now is the time to learn more and understand it can happen to anyone :(

Resources
Are You Dating an Abuser? Nine very early signs of emotional and verbal abuse
If you need help in BC, contact Victim Link BC 24/7 (many languages)
Call 1-800-563-0808
Text 604-836-6381
Email VictimLinkBC@bc211.ca
TTY accessible at 604-875-0885 or collect at 7-1-1

Personality Disorders
I highly recommend Out of the Fog. It's a great resource for information about personality disorders, so you can learn more. They also have a wonderful support forum, so if you have a family member or a partner who has a personality disorder and you need support - this is the place. This is the resource I turned to when I was trying to make sense of an abusive relationship I was in. I learned SO much and I understand so much better now what happened and why.

Donations
If you find Out of the Fog helpful, donate to them! They are a volunteer run organization, so they run on donations and love :)

Also, the Shimmy Mob website has a list of local shelters and support organizations, so you can find a charity in your area to donate to and help your local community

Johnny Depp v Amber Heard Trial
For more insights, I'd suggest the following videos...

*Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Audio Tapes
This is what I consider primary source material. These audio tapes were recorded by Amber Heard and Johnny Depp years ago when they were involved, before the public accusations and their divorce. So if there is anywhere to look for the real truth, I believe it is in these recordings. There are more, but I think these three are prime examples of the kinds of interactions they were having and these specific recordings were made just after some of the major events being discussed in the trial.

Amber Heard's Deposition from 2016
This deposition is interesting because it doesn't match the audio tapes, she contradicts herself a number of times during the deposition, and her stories are different than what's she currently saying on the stand.

AMBER HEARD ADMITS TO KICKING A DOOR INTO JOHNNY DEPPS HEAD - NEVER BEFORE SEEN DEPOSITION FOOTAGE (Raw Footage)
Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Amber Admits to Multiple Violent Attacks! (Analysis with transcript)
Johnny Depp & Amber Heard Abuse Claims: Amber Caught Lying Under Oath! (Analysis with video footage)

Current Trial Footage
The Law & Crime Network has complete videos of the current trial and live coverage. Here are the videos with Amber Heard's testimony:

Analysis of Evidence
Incredibly Average has the most detailed and logical analysis of the evidence that I've seen so far. Here are several of the key videos I'd suggest reviewing:

#AbusehasNoGender #MenToo #DancingforJohnnyDepp #AmberHeardisanAbuser #DeppVsHeard #JohnnyDepp #AmberHeard #MeghanMarkle #JadaPinkettSmith #DomesticViolenceAwareness #DomesticViolenceEducation #MentalHealthAwareness #ShimmyMob #BellyDance #ShimmyMob2022 #BetheChange #MakeaDifference

6 Holiday Shopping Tips

11/25/2021

Tomorrow is Black Friday, the beginning of the end of the year shopping frenzy.

Though it seems like it started earlier than usual this year. I've already seen a few early Black Friday sales and one "Green Friday" sale, whatever greenwashing craziness that is...

I know most of us will probably buy something this season, so here are some general tips with links for more details.

Only buy new if it makes sense. You really need it, you're sure it's something the other person will really like, etc. Make sure it's for a good reason and purpose, that it is something that will be used and appreciated for years, or eaten if it's food :)
Buy Quality. Consider the product: does it have good reviews, is it well made, will it last? Consider the company: who are they, where is the product made, what materials are in the product? These questions are important for you, to make sure you get something good and safe. They're also important for the health and well being of everyone involved in making the product, and for ALL of the living beings on this planet really. What you CHOOSE to buy can make a BIG difference in the world.
If you have young children or pets, for their safety avoid EVERYTHING made in China, particularly anything they *might* put in their mouth. Many jewellery items, clothing and purses contain lead, cadmium, phthalates and other dangerous chemicals, at levels MUCH higher than what's allowed in Canada. (SHEIN, AliExpress, Zaful haul: Toxic chemicals found in some clothes)
To avoid toxic chemicals, avoid products made in China. Particularly, cosmetics, makeup, anything metal like jewellery, brightly colored objects (dyed or painted) and fake leather products. Also avoid waterproof items like raincoats and umbrellas, and vinyl or plastic items. This is due to various chemicals at dangerously high levels, including cadmium, lead & phthalates.
Buy Direct. Counterfeit products are surprisingly common online. (Counterfeit crackdown: Testing Walmart, Amazon, eBay, AliExpress and Wish) If you buy counterfeit products you're supporting organized crime, and you're likely to get something poorly made with toxic chemicals. So it's best to buy products directly from the manufacturer or from a reputable store in real life. For designer products, consider buying secondhand and pre-loved items from a business that verifies items as authentic.
If you care about the working conditions and the treatment of the people making the products, consider avoiding anything made in China (potentially slave labour). Overseas in general is questionable, but so is LA. (The hidden price of your clothes)

Generally speaking, made in Canada is good, but read the fine print. Make sure it is MADE in Canada, not just designed here. I learned doing local artisan & craft markets and Canadian fashion shows that "local" isn't always so local. At the markets & shows I attended that claimed to be Canadian and local, about half of the products were actually made outside of Canada.

I hope these tips will help you make good choices for your holiday spending. Of course, I also encourage you to check out my online store, where you'll find lots of items designed by me and made in Canada. :) I will be posting some new artwork and items in the next couple of days too.

Indigenous Peoples Day: The Past and Present

6/21/2021

Stanley Park in Vancouver, BC

Today is National Indigenous Peoples Day in Canada. It's a day recognizing and celebrating the cultures and contributions of the First Nations, Inuit and Métis Indigenous peoples of Canada.

I think this year it holds an extra charge with the recent discovery of the remains of 215 children at a residential school site in Kamloops.

From what I read the Kamloops school had acknowledged that about 50 children had died at the school, but finding the bones of over 200 children was sickening, and that's just one school. When the residential schools were in operation there were 139 schools in Canada. Most of them closed in the mid-1970s, but some remained open until the late 1990s. Over 150,000 children were removed and separated from their families and communities to attend these boarding schools.

Indigenous people have been talking for a long time about how terrible the residential schools were, and they have spoken before about the children who disappeared. It's clear with this gruesome discovery and from what survivors have said, that many of those children were abused and died under terrible circumstances.

Since the remains were found at the Kamloops school, I've seen memorials around town about the tragedy, including this one I saw yesterday in downtown Vancouver.

There have also been calls to search all of the residential school sites for remains. I was glad to read that the Government of Canada has set aside $27 million to support locating, documenting, maintaining and commemorating burial sites associated with former residential schools (and to respond to family wishes to commemorate or memorialize their losses and the children's final resting places).

This is horrible tragedy that took place in Canada and its effects are still deeply felt by the survivors, the friends, family members and communities affected. For those affected by this tragedy there are several crisis lines to call for support.

National Residential School Crisis Line
Support for former students and those affected
1-866-925-4419

BC KUU-US Crisis Line
Support for First Nations and Indigenous
1-800-588-8717

Both of these numbers are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I hope that in time we will all come to terms with what happened. That we'll be able to see the extent of tragedy and reflect together on that dark time in Canadian history and mourn for the many who suffered and died.

I hope we will be able to move forward towards a more inclusive society with less prejudice. I've been shocked by how much racism there is in Canada towards indigenous people, and I'm particularly concerned about young indigenous women.

There are still many missing indigenous women, one RCMP report estimated over a 1K, but activists say they have the names of over 4,000 women who have disappeared. And it's known that homicide rates is 6x higher for indigenous women.

I invite you to learn more and take action. Section 15 (page 89) of this summary has a number of actions that are for ALL Canadians to take action. It also includes links a number of resources to learn more.

I think it's important for Canadians to be aware of what happened in past and to be aware of what's happening now in the present. I think we all need to make an active choice to be supportive of indigenous people and communities.

Are We Ready to Put Covid Behind Us?

6/15/2021

Yesterday the Premier of BC said “We're ready to put Covid behind us.” And I think there are a lot of people who feel that way. A lot of us feel ready to be done with this pandemic. I know I wish it was over.

I haven't been writing in my blog as regularly as I used to before the pandemic, but if you’ve been following my other social media you'll know I have been posting a lot more there than usual. I've been providing summaries of live briefings held by public health officials here in BC regularly since the pandemic began. And I've been sharing important information and articles about Covid there as well.

I want to start blogging more again about various topics (and creating more videos), but first there's some information that I’d like to share about the pandemic before moving onto other topics. I thought about doing one BIG post on Covid, but there’s a lot of different topics, so I think I’m going to divide it up. To give you a bit of a preview, here are some of the topics I plan to cover.

I think that I’m going to start with the most controversial, which is QAnon. I think that everyone needs to know more about what was and is going on with that. And I'd like to share some information I've learned over the past year about Covid, the origins, health information, medical studies, etc. I think it would be good to talk about masks too and I think it's important to discuss vaccines.

I'd also like to share a bit about how the pandemic has affected me personally and some of the people I know. I want to talk a little about the challenges that I’ve struggled with over the past year and mental health, which a lot of people have struggled with during this pandemic. And I want to share with you some of what I’ve been up to over the past year. I haven’t been posting much about art, but I have been working on art. I've been doing acting workshops, taking a lot of dance lessons, and I've created some new visual art, so I have some new artwork to share too. :)

I just wanted to give you a brief overview about what kinds of topics I'm thinking about covering. If there's a topic you'd like to suggest, let me know. I plan to put up a series of articles over the next few weeks and then hopefully I won’t have to post about Covid anymore. I'm hoping to switch gears and focus on other things.

I thought about doing this at the end of 2020 or at the one year mark in March, but things weren't even close to over then and I was still feeling pretty overwhelmed. I think only now are we beginning to see the end in sight for the pandemic.